3/23/26 - 3/25/26: snarky-ass sass
3/23/26
Maybe sadness isn't a bad thing.
Maybe rejection isn't either. Maybe it just is.
Maybe I can relax and just let things be.
I've been attempting to. Some days I'm actually extremely good at it, which I'm always impressed by because this has not always come very naturally for me. I say to myself not sarcastically, even though it sounds like it, "way to go Samantha! You're doing great!" Lately I've really enjoyed speaking to myself super positively, out loud.
I keep randomly hearing the insult pencil dick. I'm a fan and might start using it when I'm privately insulting other dumb and dangerous drivers in my car. It's perfectly fitting I think for the inept driver. My private insulting sessions in the car are lessons in snarky-ass sass.
I took a major step toward finishing my degree today. Major for me because it was a stupid, annoying thing I had to do that I'd been putting off for a year that was holding me back from signing up for classes.
I think the tiny, little kid Samantha, who still lives in me and is dancing up a storm, doesn't like pain and rejection too much. And she still, to this day, tries her hardest to pretend neither are happening. This lasts 'till like 4 a.m. when the denial is demolished by a panic attack. I've only had one recently, though. Anyway, I'm just trying to focus on always moving forward into the unknown as gracefully as I can even though I've been walking around uncomfortably with this tinge of peculiar feelings in my stomach that have been darkening my outlook. I can't fall into wallowing right now like I normally would.
I don't always give space and silence to things that need it. Like to my brain, for example. I can be quite impatient. But I've especially felt a big need for quietness and slowness lately.
I like the visual of just letting something breath. Giving it room. What happens in that space? What would that space look like translated to a painting? I want to see that.
3/24/26
I woke up to an email that said shoot your shot. This may be my all time least favorite string of words.
Tonight I finally got into slip trailing. I was giddy while I was doing it to my new vase I have in the works. I just massively love slip trailing now and can't believe it took me this long to get into it.
NCECA is coming up tomorrow and I think I'm feeling what they'd call FOMO. NCECA is a good time for the clay nerds of the world, and I really can't wait to be able to go. It's in Detroit this year. Maybe next year will be my NCECA year. I'm crossing my fingers.
3/25/26