5/24/26 - 5/28/26: Spread out.

5/24/26

Q: What is a Sunday?

 

A: I have a big love for Sunday. I like to reach for its expansiveness and really sit in it, pretending it’ll last forever. I like to try to pretend I’m at ease and absolutely none of my qualms or despair exist on this day. I just set them out to sea on a Sunday. Not sure how well I accomplished that today, though. The scary-as-fuck-cancer-in-my-mom's-brain piece of news entering into this Sunday is diabolically overwhelming and swoops in to wreak havoc, forever restructuring the innate oasis of calm that normally shrouds this day.

Obviously people don't like when cancer spreads. So what kind of spreads do people actually enjoy? 

1. Peanut butter and jelly spread on bread obviously. 

2. Any kind of delicious food platter spread.

3. A comfy bed spread situation.

5. A substantial and elegant cream cheese spread on a bagel.

 

It hits 5 p.m. and I realize I missed open studio hours. And I missed open pool hours, too. I’m deeply tired so I take a nap. Then I sew. I panic. And I paint ceramics.

 

5/26/26

My mom’s brain radiation starts today. I told my mom to visualize a ton of mini Arnold Schwarzeneggers running around her brain with giant machine guns killing the lil' tumors.

We followed up brain radiation with the deliciously insalubrious KFC which is an utter rarity in my life, and I admit it was grotesquely enjoyable.

I got to go on a relaxing walk in the redwoods before it got dark. And then I miraculously slept so much better. Flora and fauna, especially of the giant tree variety, really are the answer to all my sleep problems.

I started making a new Maisie dress today which is my sleeveless dress pattern. I like approaching clothing as if I’m making a mixed-media painting. Because it is a painting. I can’t think of clothing as anything other than art.

Art Thoughts from 5/19/26:

I can imagine a dental hygienist enjoying sgraffito. I added a fancy sgraffito tool to my clay tool collection recently and I started to think of the dentist while I was using it. Sgraffito began to feel akin to scraping off plaque build up. Satisfying, but I also resent any reminders of the dentist. I canceled my last cleaning in avoidance.

 

I applied to an art show opportunity yesterday. I always feel like I’m a bad applier to art-related opportunities. I don’t love art statements or anything extra beyond the actual art. It’s an extra rigamarole that always annoys the hell out of me.

 

I have a back-log of so many ceramics to finish. Having a back-log of clay projects is the only kind of back-log I’d ever wish to have. I also have a big vase waiting for me at my clay studio I started in the last class I took. I can hear the vase now at 5 a.m. whispering loudly through the night: “Samantha don’t forget about meeeeee…”

 

I have a back-log of mixed-media paintings, too. I want to finish “Stability” first. It’s in my sewing machine now. Its eyes are knit in the round with bright pink yarn.

 

I’m nervous to start doing shows again. I feel super rusty at it.

 

5/28/26

There have been so many medical appointments this week. Time feels all discombobulated when there's a lot of medical appointments crammed into one week. 

 

I want to write a poem about bubble wrap. One that really pops.

 

 

It's the third day of radiation. Every time I'm in the  waiting room after they wheel my mom into what I call the zapping room, people wander in with their ugly gowns on and sit across from me, waiting their turn for radiation. So far they've all been people around my age. 

 

I re-potted two of my plants: an Ikea cactus and a luscious succulent I picked up for free from someone giving away plants in their front yard. They look happier already. They have room to grow and spread out.